Fun in the Rain

Today I found out how relaxing it is to put on a pair of Nikes, put some headphones in your ears, and run outside in the rain. Anyone who knows me probably knows that I am not a fan of running, and hardly enjoy it, or do it for fun, But today, something was so calming about my feet hitting the pavement, the music in my ears, and the rain falling all around me. For the first time in years I felt all my stressors eliminated, and felt nothing but peace. Well, nothing but peace and the shortness of breath that occurs when running. I'm not a good runner, I can hardly run a full mile without resting, but for once I enjoyed the struggle. I ended up running 2.2 miles, which for me is great. Right now I'm just hoping that running in the sunshine is just as relaxing, since it's almost May. Maybe it's just because I was by myself, I'm not sure, but I can't wait to run again. 

i loved him too, once upon a time.

Funny story, I created a blogger account to comment on a friend's post, and it turned into an all day adventure of creating profiles and numerous customizations. So now, as hours have passed, commenting on above mentioned post is probably futile, and I haven't decided if I still will comment or not. Probably not, unless something else needs to be said.

I need to go put on a bra before company comes over.... 

...company is here. I'm being quite antisocial while sitting in on my beanbag in my corner while everyone watches the basketball game. I just can't get into it now, no matter how much I want to, I couldn't sit there and pretend to enjoy myself. 

"Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall into place."

I saw this quote last week, and I have been thinking on it ever since. Wish I knew how to tell if it is really falling apart or if it just something small. Isn't it that things fall apart all at once, or is it like a crack in the glass that starts small but spreads until you can no longer see in front of you. Wish I knew. 

You ask me how I could ever love someone as awful as him, but isn't that what people do; get caught in awful relationships and never notice until its finally over? What makes you better than him? Everything, you're so much better. But of course that isnt enough, loving you isnt enough, because as you pointed out, I loved him too once upon a time. 

You're right. I loved him. I loved him blindly. Maybe its the same with you, and you're no better than him or anyone else. I don't feel that it is that way, but could it be? And how could I defend him, a different him?Easy. He's my friend, and he's done nothing wrong. I will always defend my friends, but of course, if that means that I should go fuck them, then fuck you. I am not a hypocrite. I've made my share of mistakes, and if I realize them as such, saying they're wrong is not hypocrisy, unless I repeat them. Which, you seem to forget, I have not. 

I wish you would just be consistent. Either love me, and really love me, or hate me and leave. I almost don't care at this point. Almost. Well, that's almost a lie. I care so much that it hurts. Well almost hurts, since most of the time I can never tell how serious you are. 

Sitting at a crossroads here, white one way, black another. Yet it's all about the grey... it's what everything depends on, hope, despair, everything. But its also not even part of the answer.

Introduction

ROMEO 
Amen, amen! but come what sorrow can,
It cannot countervail the exchange of joy
That one short minute gives me in her sight:
Do thou but close our hands with holy words,
Then love-devouring death do what he dare;
It is enough I may but call her mine.

FRIAR LAURENCE 
These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite:
Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;

Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.