Life decisions....

Well the first two days of school have gone alright. I spent most of the day making weekly to-do lists for the term and now I just can't seem to focus on the present. I realized this week that I have about a month to make a decision about grad school.

If I do in fact graduate in March, I will be graduating with Danny, which is good. But, shortly after we graduate he'll be accepting a job somewhere in the United States, and at this time neither of us know where, or have any idea. Even if the company he worked for all summer offers him a position, they have offices all over the States so its up in the air until most likely April. This wouldnt be a problem normally, but of course for us it is. If I decide I want to go to Graduate School this next September then I need to apply before January, no matter where I apply. The problem is, where do I apply if I have no idea where Danny could be working. Sure I could just apply and go where I get accepted, but honestly, three years of a long-distance relationship isn't really going to work out at all. My other option is to wait a year, and apply somewhere close to where Danny is working when we get settled in. Its a hard decision either way. I want to go to graduate school and have my own career, but I want my life with Danny as well. Waiting isnt too big of an inconvenience really, but I do have a problem with putting my life on hold for Danny without some form of sacrifice or commitment on his part. It may be a bit selfish, but, no matter what the situation I always have to sacrifice something, and my guaranteed career is something that is a huge thing to give up without some form of commitment. This is pretty much the reason why not being engaged is such an issue for me. If I'm going to make a sacrifice that could potentially change everything about my future, shouldnt I get..something. As it is now, even after this conversation, he's not budging on the engagement issue, and wont even think about it until he has a contract with a company after he graduates.... unfortunately I have to make my decision way before that. I could decide to go to school next year and hope we can work out a long-distance relationship for three years, because there is pretty much no chance of being able to be close together if that happens..... or I could wait, and go with him wherever he goes and build my life from there... which I have no problem doing really, but it just doesnt seem worth it without the commitment on his part. Giving up your plans is something that should be thought about carefully. I don't see it as something trivial, as there is always the possibility that when we get to where we are going, there is no social work school, and I would have to picks something else. So I guess I'm just struggling, go to schoool and risk losing my future with Danny, or just wait and go with him and see where my life takes me without any commitment from him. I feel like I'm being selfish here, I can't make it an ultimatum, but I honestly dont know if I can decide to come with him if he hasnt taken that step with me....